


Take A Breath, Say Goodbye

by billys_consulting_flatmates



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Bilbo dies AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 14:25:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5873953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/billys_consulting_flatmates/pseuds/billys_consulting_flatmates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Red. It was all his mind could register at first. Then he noticed the blue coat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take A Breath, Say Goodbye

Silence.

It seemed to ring in Thorins' ears, drowning out any and all noise. Or maybe there was so much noise he was unable to process it. He couldn't tell. Only that there was deafening silence in his ears and only cold air in his hands.

There was movement before him and behind him; he was surrounded on all sides, foes and friends alike, their mouths moving, shouting words that Thorin could not hear.

He could only stare, dumbfounded, at the empty air in front of him, his hands still held up though they were now empty where only seconds ago they had been clutching a blue coat.

There was only sky in front of his eyes, the wrong shade of blue as to what he had been staring at, what he should have been staring into.

_Curse you._

The elves below had broken their perfect lines; several had hurried forward to the base of the mountain. Bard had swung off his horse and followed and even Thranduil had moved his elk forward a few steps. Gandalf had broken free of the elven ranks and rushed forward too, his voice a muffled roar against Thorins' ears. Fili was screaming beside him, leaning dangerously over the rampart, his brother beside him, clinging to his arm, tears sliding down his pale cheeks.

_You are changed, Thorin._

The noise surrounding him was slowly growing louder, reverberating against his eardrums and he shook his head slowly, whether to try and clear it or to retain the numbness he wasn't sure.

He blinked slowly, his eyes still searching for a deeper shade of blue than what could be found. His vision seemed to be getting clearer, an odd haze lifting as he searched for blue eyes and honey curls. They should have been there. Should have been in front of him.

The noise was getting louder and he shook his head more sharply than before, his attention focusing on his hands which were still out in front of him. He clenched his fists slowly before loosening them. His fingers could still remember the feel of a secondhand coat clenched between them.

_Many times I wanted to, but..._

Slowly memories of what had occurred over the last few moments (minutes? hours? days? He no longer knew) began to trickle into his mind. The arkenstone - the betrayal - the anger - the pain - the coat in his hands - those blue eyes filled with fear - a small hand holding loosely onto his wrist as if to try and hold him back or to hold on. And now there was only empty sky in front of him which should have held a small, soft body.

_He looks more like a grocer._

Soft and small and fierce and loyal and bright and gentle, with more courage than any other wrapped up in his bones. He should have been here.

_I'm sorry I doubted you._

But where was he now? He should have been here, with Thorin, by his side, not elsewhere. 

_I vouch for him._

Thorin slowly lowered his arms. The noise was steadily becoming clearer and even louder, no more screams but cries which echoed agony and grief. His nephews were still beside him, Fili with his head against the wall, his shoulders shaking, and Kili collapsed on the ground, his face wet with tears. The others were crying and silent and raging and standing and sitting and shaking and still. The world seemed a blur and Thorin couldn't make any sense of it except for one fact.

_I'll remember. Remember everything that happened._

Slowly, so slowly as terror flooded his veins, Thorin leant forward to look down at the ground far below the rampart where the elves had rushed.

Red.

_Not stuck in there you won't be._

Red. It was all his mind could register at first. Then he noticed the blue coat.

_You look as if you've seen a ghost._

Thorins' eyes fixed themselves upon the broken body of Bilbo Baggins which lay at the base of the Lonely Mountain where he had slipped from Thorins' grasp. Blood seeped from his wounds he must have gained from landing on rocks below and now soaked his coat and the dirt underneath him. His neck was bent at an awkward angle, his eyes open and glassy. Thorin could not see them from this distance but he could imagine how they would look. Glassy and blank and devoid of all life.

_That's why I came back._

They would be a dull blue now, no longer shining with mischief or amusement or fiery passion.

_I signed it!_

Empty and broken.

He could not tear his eyes away from the fallen figure. How could this have happened? Why hadn't he - how could he - 

His vision blurred and he began to shake, his legs growing weak as pain lance through his chest, his head a cacophony of screaming denial and grief.

He clenched his hands tightly before staring at them in disgust. He had done this. How could he have done this?

_You must trust me._

He didn't realise he had fallen to his knees. He didn't realise he was crying or that he was shaking.

_I would have doubted me too._

He didn't realise when he closed his eyes or when he rested his head against the rough stone wall.

_The good, the bad..._

He didn't realise that his mouth had fallen open as he gasped for breath that he just couldn't find. He didn't realise that a single word fell out amidst those gasps, over and over again. The only word that made any sense to him anymore.

'Bilbo...Bilbo...Bilbo...'

What had he done?

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry. I feel awful for this.


End file.
